Wow, is this the Matrix?

Normally we’d play for laughs in a newsletter. That’s what we’ve done in the past but now that the world has gone completely mad it seems ungracious to poke fun at it.

But the problem is we don’t know how else to write a newsletter. We tried being sincere, expressing our deepest fears about the state of the world, but it felt weirdly insincere because on the Gold Coast lockdown currently looks like this…

We know we're lucky to be where we are and if we're honest it’s not all fun and sun. Like everyone else we’ve had to cancel every gig we’ve had on this year. We were meant to be in Germany right now, but instead we’re stuck inside the Farmhouse playing twister with the farm animals. And as we were trying to get to "left foot red", breathing heavily with a face full of rump, we started to realise something…

Animals love us. They really do. All the animals, especially the wild ones because, at the moment, we’re all stuck at home and they’ve got the world back.

And who knows how long this will go on. Maybe 6 months. Maybe forever. If that's the case we think we should spend time loving each other, taking care of each other, and occasionally picking nits out of each others fur as a form of bonding.

"We cannot decide what life throws at us but what we make of it is hundred percent ours." Sadghuru

And while we're doing that let's share conspiracy theories!

Because that’s what we humans do when we need to bond, we make shit up about other people. So here goes...

Greta Thunberg developed Covid19 in a laboratory in Norway!

Yes, you heard it first on The Farm. Our international espionage (and tour producing) department tell us that Greta returned from her recent overseas yachting holiday frustrated by the lack of response to her claims that the world is really hot and getting hotter. She decided to tackle the problem in a more direct way and build an underground viral testing facility in a rural area outside of Helsinki, Norway.

Furthermore, The Pope has been linked as one of Greta’s main co-conspirators after he was overheard saying ‘this’ll make the fuckers pay!” to papal advisors. Sauces inform us that money from recent sales of Vatican goods, such as the Sistine Chapel and George Pell, has helped fund the development of Covid19. Further evidence emerged over the weekend that Greta and the Norwegian government planned to lock down their own borders in early March before a laboratory accident, involving two technicians, some lab rats, Tom Cruise and a game of twister, initiated a premature release of the virus which spread first between the technical team and finally to Greta herself, who is now recovering in a secret underwater hospital facility.

Apparently down there she is "recovering well" and eating "lots of fish".

Greta’s motivation for releasing this ‘Norwegian’ virus in the world is obvious.

Blue skies over Beijing.

Dolphins in the canals of Venice.

We are the first to deplore Greta's tactics of global eco-bio-warfare but we have to concede she does have a point. In Chernobyl there are now wild horses, wolves and bears running free which shows that Mother Nature will take a nuclear meltdown over humans any day of the week.

The world is on a precipice and there is a lot of suffering for us to deal with, but as we navigate our way through this crisis, we need to look after each other and listen to what Greta and Mother Nature are telling us. On The Farm, stuck as we are between a horse's legs and a cow's rump, we believe Twister will show us the way forward.

Here's some simple tips as you stay home and confront your family/flatmates/spouses:

Fit around each other, find pathways you don't expect and accomodate each other's needs. Try not to block. Create social structures that support you all. Let the wheel spin and see which colour comes next. Breathe, stretch, take your time and together we can all get to the next dot on the map.

Let's skip the conspiracy theories and think instead of how we can use this time to better ourselves. Maybe then the seemingly pointless will have a point.

Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?
Tom Cruise